16 de julio de 2012

You know the best thing about necrophilia? You don't have to bring flowers. Usually, they're already there.

George Carlin.

21 de junio de 2012

Now, you wouldn't know it for some of the things I've said over the years but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm alright with them for a little while but once you get up passed around a minute, minute and a half, I've got to get the fuck out of there. And my reason for this, my reason is for one that you may share possibly. I have a very low tolerance level for stupid bullshit.

It's Bad For Ya,
George Carlin.

28 de noviembre de 2011

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

Men & Women,

Bo Burnham.

12 de octubre de 2011

Mike "Tython". Wasn't he great up here? No, I'm asking, I couldn't understand a fucking word he said. Mike, your voice sounds like a girl crying, everytime you speak, do you give yourself an erection? Hey, hey, Mike, here's something you'll never hear: "Great tatoo!" You have a slutty lower back tatoo on your face. Men don't know whether to be scared of it or finish on it.

Amy Schumer,

The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen.

11 de octubre de 2011

Charlie, if you're winning, then something's wrong with the fucking score board!

Come on men!

Charlie, if you're winning then this must not be a children custody hearing! The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns.

Jeff Ross,

The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen.

16 de noviembre de 2010

Ça va trop vite. Ça va tellement vite que l'autre jour, sur mon répondeur de mon portable, la nana qui fait le répondeur elle m'a dit un truc aluscinant. Elle m'a dit: vous avez reçu un appel d'un numéro inconnu qui n'a pas laissé de message. Analyse cette phrase, ça c'est de l'info, sérieux. La nana, elle t'explique qu'il y a un mec on sait pas qui c'est il a appelé et il a rien dit.

Gad Elmaleh,

Papa est en haut.